Worth Fighting For
by snapslikethis
Summary: Lily was nursing her second bottle when she plucked her courage and addressed the room at large, but mostly James, when she asked, "I'm in. I'm joining. I think you all knew that, though. What-what are you lot going to do?" xxxxx Lily and the Marauders have received an offer from Dumbledore-what do they do now?


disclaimer – I own nothing

a/n – I know I barely grazed the surface here in terms of their reasons for fighting but this will eventually, in some shape or form, be expanded to become part of a larger fic. I hope you enjoy!

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Lily sat at their battered Formica table slowly picking the label off the bottle in her hands, a habit her boyfriend found simultaneously annoying and endearing. It was quiet-too quiet for her house full of typically rowdy boys, but it was to be expected given what had just been asked of them. By some unspoken agreement they had all come back to her and James's flat. Someone, probably Peter, stopped to grab take away and liquor. The food was left largely untouched; the firewhiskey, however, had been welcomed by all. Lily was nursing her second bottle when she plucked her courage and addressed the room at large, but mostly James, when she asked, "I'm in. I'm joining. I think you all knew that, though. What-what are you lot going to do?"

Sirius spoke, mostly to save his mates from having to do so first. "I'm in, of course. Where you go, Prongs is sure to follow. You can't have him around without me trailing close behind."

Lily's jaw dropped and her eyes widened in horror-a look that would amuse Sirius under different circumstances-he loved flustering her-but not tonight. He saw the stricken expression on her face and immediately began to backpedal, "It was a _joke_, Lily. I didn't mean-"

James cut across his mate who, for once, didn't object to being interrupted. "He didn't mean it, love, he didn't." His hand found his girlfriends' across the table, he rubbed small circles over it with his thumb, soothingly, as he tried to calm her down. "I'm joining. I'm going to fight. But, but it's not because of you."

Lily's eyes focused on her boyfriend and he saw in them determination, yes, and fear, which was to be expected, and-doubt? She didn't believe his assurance, he guessed, that his decision had nothing to do with her. He squeezed her hand, his muggleborn girlfriend's hand-which shouldn't fucking matter, but did, because there was a war brewing, and people were disappearing, and the other side wanted her dead.

"Alright," he conceded, "it has a little to do with you-with _us_. I can't deny that. But Lily, even if we weren't… if you weren't…" James paused, struggling to gather his thoughts, finally managed to articulate, "If there were no_ us, _if I wasn't in love with you and we weren't together, I would still join. Because-it's not just _you_ who's at risk, right? Moony is, and Marlene-they want _all_ of you gone. And _The Prophet _doesn't report the half of it, to hear Dumbledore speak. And you know what that lot at school was up to last year-how many attacks _we _stopped. Do you really think I could go-play Quidditch, or get a ministry job, or go on holiday and just ignore what's happening? Because I can't."

The other three had retreated into the sitting room because they felt, quite suddenly, that they were intruding on what was a very private conversation. Not that they weren't particularly adept at ruining James and Lily's private moments, mind you, but this felt different-it _was_ different.

"James," Lily's voice was forceful, measured. "You could walk away though, you _could._"

He knew she was referring to his blood status, his money, which was a low blow-he wanted to, but couldn't fault her for it. Instead, he countered, "So could you." She scoffed but did not withdraw her hand. He pressed, "You _could_ leave, Lily, you know that. _We_ could walk away from all of this-go on holiday, disappear."

"But I won't, James. _I_ can't. I can't just _leave_ when my family is in danger and they don't even know it, and when other people-kids, James, they were thirteen. You can be angry at me for this, and that's fine, but it's not _you _who was called a mudblood every other day for seven years, who had to dodge hexes and jibes, who had to excel, academically, just to prove you deserved to hold a wand, who had to start reading the Prophet and decipher legislation when you were fifteen because you had to make sure your rights weren't being stripped away. I _can't_ leave. I don't have a choice. And I don't like it, I _hate_ it. I hate that this damn war has been forced upon me when I should be eighteen without a care in the world, shagging my boyfriend and eating takeaway and exposing you idiots to the muggle fair."

James smiled briefly at this because that had indeed been their plan before they received Dumbledore's summons. He closed the gap between them and pulled her into a hug. "I love you. God, Lily, I love you. The thought of you fighting-it turns me inside out. I don't like it, but do you see _me_ trying to convince _you_ otherwise? I know you don't have a choice in this. I can never understand, I can't, but, damn, I don't have a choice either. Can you accept that? We _could _go away, but we won't, we can't. Neither of us can walk away from this. I can't, even if you would like me too. You can like my reasons or not, but they are what they are. Point is, love, I hate it too. I would _rather _be shagging and going to the fair."

Lily's shoulders sagged in defeat, in relief. She whispered into his shoulder-hurried, breathless, "I know. I know. I had to make sure, James. I know you can't walk away, can you blame for me trying to convince you though? It terrifies me, to think of you out there. To lose you. God, this isn't fair, but I'm glad, love. So fucking glad we're on the same-"

His lips cut off whatever she had been about to say; this was more important. They both knew that he was lying, a bit, that they both were. Because, of course, although it scared them to admit it out loud, the _them_, each other_-_that was the most important thing. They were poised to lose it all. They had to fight to defend their right to love each other. It might not be their reason for fighting, but it was the reason neither of them would walk they conveyed everything by touch-mouths on fire, fingers blazing trails-_I love you_ and _I am so fucking scared_ and _I'm not going to leave you _and _I'm not going to let them take you away from me._

Eventually loud, conspiratorial whispering from the living room reminded them that they weren't alone. They broke apart, reluctantly, and began to compose themselves. She ignored the wetness in his eyes. He ignored the tear tracks down her cheeks and called their friends into the room.

"Alright, Red?" Sirius asked as he ruffed her hair and handed her another drink.

"You don't have to call me that, you know. And no."

"I'm sorry if I upset you, and yes I do." He apologized, a rarity for Sirius-the exception being to Lily, to whom he had made many apologies. "You know my propensity for saying the wrong things at the wrong time."

"One of the many things I adore about you. You alright?"

"Not at all. I'm fighting, though. It's not to trail after Prongs, or you. A bit, of course, but not entirely." He added, with a smile, "Though god knows you two idiots will need me to cover your backs."

Lily nodded her acceptance. She knew not to press Sirius for further explanation. She could tick off the reasons in her head, and so could James-most of them started and ended with his brother. If he wanted to elaborate, he would. When he chose to remain silent, she turned to Peter.

"Pete, what about you? Do you need more time to think about it?"

"Of course I'm joining." He looked offended that she would think otherwise, and she smiled at this. She was always underestimating him.

"What about your mum…are you going to tell her?"

"Merlin, no. She'd go barmy She worries about me too much anyway. Remember when she found out about the motorcycle?"

Lily tried-and failed-to suppress a smile for she had, indeed, heard all about the tirade Mrs. Pettigrew had subjected not just her son, but all of the boys to when she found out about Sirius's motorbike.

Remus chimed in, "She doesn't even know it flies, Wormtail, so I can't say I blame you for keeping this news quiet. I think it goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway. I'm in. I'm joining. Although-"

James asked the question they had all been itching to voice, "Can you tell us, Moony, what he wanted? Does it have something to do with your fur-"

"Yeah, it does. I don't know the details, but yeah, it does."

James heard the hesitancy in his mate's voice and let the subject drop.

After another long pause, Lily asked, "Is it- Is it wrong that I _want_ to fight? That I'm ready for it? That I want to kick some death eater ass?"

Sirius, "Red you, more than any of us, have reason to fight, to want to get back at them. It's not wrong. Just remember that we're the good guys, yeah?"

After a moment, James again voiced what they all were afraid to. His voice was quiet, low. "Do you think we'll win?"

Lily turned around, for when she had settled back down it had been onto her boyfriend's lap. She ran a hand through his hair, kissed his forehead, and voiced what they all desperately believed, although with varying degrees of certainty. "Of course we will, love. We have to."

Sirius held up his bottle in a mock toast, effectively ending the conversation. "Well, that's that, then. This is a pretty fucked up situation we're in, no?"

Peter said, "I'll drink to that."

"So, Lily." Sirius added after they had all clinked glasses and taken long, generous swigs from their respective bottles. "What's this Prongs was saying earlier about a fair?"


End file.
